#NChaiBS - "Excuse Me"

My sweater says "Nope. Still Don't Care". I wore this for my #Connections EP album back in 2017 but the difference between now and then, is that today I literally exude the attitude of the sweater and wear it with conviction! "Excuse Me" is a track that I wrote for myself. It is my anthem. It helped me realize and cut through all the noise to my new found freedom. This song is my vow to myself. This is my promise to myself that I will not and should never worry about other people's opinions, suggestions and/or advice. As one of the more "seasoned" start up artists in the music industry, this song was my way to be vulnerable, true, and release some personal struggles I've encountered through my journey.

Yes I have 2 albums. Yes I have had local and international experiences that I couldn't imagine myself doing. Yes I've made amazing connections within the industry and met beautiful souls. But during all of that, I was hiding my biggest insecurity. It was a very real, self inflicted conflict that always lurked in the shadows. It has to do with my culture. It has to do with the social norms of what a woman should have "achieved" by a particular age. Perhaps it was seeing most of my friends finding their other halves and starting their own families. Perhaps it was noticing that most of the other artists are much younger and accomplished than I was. Perhaps it was the people closest who projected their "concerns" onto me. Perhaps it was the sum of everything.

I've been reminded time and time again to "think hard" about what I'm doing with my life. To this day, my family (don't get me wrong - I love them lots) still think that my music is a hobby. They see me exhausted hustling from my day job, going to the studio, gigging and working behind the scene for my music and ask - "why are you doing this to yourself? What are you achieving from running around like this? You don't have to work so hard at something that is just a hobby." I understand their worry but what they don't understand is that music is what keeps me going. It gives me motivation, inspiration and purpose. I've had many people gently tell me that I am "expiring" and that I am "biologically a geriatric". (I'm not even joking) How did I feel? Hurt. Sad. Angry. Foolish. Shame. Doubtful of myself. The funny but more sad thing is that I started to believe them. I actually entertained the idea that what I was doing was a waste of time. It's easy to say - "Natalia, don't listen to them just do you!". When you're in the moment and it feels like everybody in the world is constantly feeding you comments like this, through law of exposure it will shape your "reality" and affect how you think, feel and act. I believed their voices to be my own and internalized them!

But then I started to receive encouragements from complete strangers. Anecdotal stories of how my music helped them through their day and more importantly how I inspire them to go after their own goals and dreams. Right there. My whole attitude and perception about myself, my direction, my vision and purpose became so clear! I know the path that I need to take. I know the work that I need to do and I know the amount of time required. I know the failures, discouragement and tears that I will encounter through my journey. Whatever the outcome, I know that I won't have any regrets.

Earlier this year I released a monologue that I intentionally set up as a "prologue" to Excuse Me. In this project with Jey Blaq and Adriel aka. Strenneth, I re-introduced a new focus, vision and purpose of what "Natalia Chai Music" meant to me going forward. If you haven't yet, check out the video below!

                                                                 

I don't care that I am not settled yet. I don't care about timelines. I don't care about "industry standards". I don't care. What I care is that I continue to evolve, learn, grow and make some sort of difference in one or two people's lives. So "Excuse Me" as I continue to embark on my busy task of shaping my life into the life that I want to live.

HUGE SHOUT OUT to one of the most genuine, sincere and amazing people in the business - Jey Blaq (@vestedmusicprod). Jey is not only one of the producers I continuously work with but proud to call my friend who sees me growing every day musically! He is one of the very few who believes in my talent when it seems like others may have "given up" on me. I am very proud of this track and he helped me turn the sound that was trapped in my head for so long into a reality. Eternally grateful for this collaboration and stay tuned later this year for another string of amazing projects!

I'm treading in a sea of green

Flowing out and in between

Against this breeze against this scene

Passing by consistently

I take it back cuz it's an act

Distant voices try to infiltrate me

They wait to see how I'll react

The odds are stacked

CHORUS
Excuse me, I'm

A little busy, I'm

Just tryna' be me

I hold my own

As long as I am moving, i'll be winning   

x2

It's a fountain of youth,

A narrow window to prove

There's no need to exclude

What's the use? Where's the truth?

I've got nothing to prove

Cuz I'm giving my all (giving my all)

I'm answering my greater calling

I'm finding my zone, I'm right where I belong

CHORUS

Excuse me, I'm 

A little busy, I'm 

Just tryna' be me 

I hold my own 

As long as I am moving, I'll be winning    

x2

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