We are all people pleasers to a certain degree – some more so than others. It is normal for us to want to feel liked, fit in, be accepted and feel part of a community. However when we start to focus on how to please others to obtain external validation, then we need to start reframing our mindsets.
For the majority of my life I’ve made decisions according to what others thought was best for me. Some of those opinions did matter and has helped me get to where I am today. Eventually there came a point when it didn’t feel right for me – but it was “right” for them. When I started to face my fear of going against the grain, slowly I became a little more free and “light”. When this happens a beautiful phenomenon occurs – I feel limitless, I accomplish what I want to, I feel more motivated and my soul becomes fulfilled.
Has anyone read the book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F**K” by Mark Mason? I read this book years ago but it somehow took me a while to apply the concepts to my own life. This blog isn’t aimed at reiterating what this book talks about but rather the ways I’ve learned and still learning to say: #IDGAF.
1) We Can’t Control Others
We can’t control what other people do or think about us, so why spend energy trying to influence their opinions about you? That energy should only be reserved for YOU (and only a select few others who deserve that energy). The only controllable factor is us – if we can practice controlling how we feel, react and respond to situations, while not expecting anything our life will be that much more easier.
2) You Only Live Once #YOLO
I swear time passes by faster and faster which makes me realize that I need to do anything and everything that I need to do in this lifetime even if I will be met with failure. I have this constant feeling inside that continues to make me hungry to push for my music. Too often do I hear from older generations even at the pharmacy talk about "I wish I had done this" or "Only if I tried" or "I wonder what would have happened if.." and I sense quite a bit of regret and remorse in a way. Even if I fail or it doesn't work out, I won't be left wondering and wishing to go back in time.
3) Stay Busy
I love working on 10 projects at once - of course within reason so that I don't burn out. When we're not entirely sure what we think about ourselves that's when we start to worry about how others perceive us - and we are most vulnerable when our minds are "quiet" and that's when dangerous and exhausting tangents settle in. Learn something new! Take up a new project or new course! When we get busy thinking about our own stuff - there's no time to worry about others.
This may sound a little more harsher than it really is. For my closest friends this may come as a surprise. My mom always tell my sisters and I that the older we get, having 2-3 toonies are better than having 100 pennies. Knowing how to decipher and see the real vs the flaky people in my circle has helped me slowly detach and let go of toxic situations and people who don't serve me. It is a waste of energy to try to see ourselves through other people's eyes and convince them otherwise so wouldn't it be easier to let them go all together?
5) Always Grateful
I have a couple friends who we can literally say as many thank-you's to each other for a lifetime and it still wouldn't be enough! Being consistently compassionate and kind and stepping outside of ourselves to help someone else (sometimes in the smallest way), will help us stop worrying about what others think of us.
What ways do YOU use to not give a f*ck about what other people think about you?